Day Thirteen: A Chrysalis of Hope Amid Abuse (Monarch Place)

The winding road of Lent is taking me in a new direction. "Poverty Street" is a long road, and I may come back to an intersection later in my journey. After yesterday's post about the women of the DTES I have been thinking about their histories and what circumstances landed them on the DTES. When I look at my own daughters I pray for wisdom and grace to keep them from such a tragic place. The women of the DTES are not necessarily part of the cycle of poverty, many come from "nice middle class families" yet, somewhere in the past their lives took a turn; involvement in drugs, abuse, self esteem issues. So I am expanding my focus to women who face abusive situations outside of the DTES, situations that could be right outside (or even inside) our front doors.

Spousal Abuse (also Dating Abuse) includes:

• physical violence (hitting, shoving, restraining, slapping)


• stalking or threatening


• sexual abuse


• controlling or intimidation (hurting or threatening to hurt a pet, threatening to hurt someone else, threatening to commit suicide, destroying property or stealing money, neglect, exploitation or withholding finances)


• mental abuse (put downs, name-calling, insults, rejection, belittling, isolation

The site http://domesticviolencebc.ca/ has many good resources for those facing abuse, or know someone who is. *site focuses on women in abusive situations, yet offers very little for men.

Here are some statistics that paint the picture of spousal abuse (in Canada):

- There were 40,200 reported incidents making up 12% of all reported violent incidents. (As we can imagine, there are so many more incidents that go un-reported & when they are reported it is not the first incident of abuse in the relationship).

- men and women experience equal rates of physical and emotional abuse (6% and 7% respectively) however, women experience more extreme, repeated violence (83% of reported incidents of violence are women)

- homicide rates: 3x more women are killed by men, than men that are killed by a female spouse

- 1-2 women/ week are killed by a spousal partner (most often within 2 months of deciding to leave the relationship)

- same-sex couples report similar rates of spousal abuse


*Canadian Statistics 2007, Department of Justice

The effects of this form of abuse are far reaching (especially for children who witness these incidents). The Canadian Department of Justice has estimated the shocking financial cost to Canadian Society at $4.2 billion a year (2001). This number accounts for social services, education, the justice system, labour, health and medical expenses. (Nearly $800 million is spent in the justice system alone). And just remember, these account for only the reported incidents of abuse. BC will spend $46.7 million on services specifically for women fleeing abuse. I can only imagine the cost of spousal abuse in the United States.

So the stats paint a grim picture. And you ask, once again, where is the hope for the victims?

It is the front line staff of the transition houses and other social service agencies that offer shelter, food, basic necessities and, above all else, comfort and safety. When I worked as the Program Director for the Boys' and Girls' Club in Delta I had many eye-opening (& heart opening) experiences with the children, youth and families. One of my most poigniant experiences was getting a phone call from a teenage girl, a regular, who said they had to leave the home of her mom's common-law partner & flee to a transition home. A few days later, when it was deemed safe enough for her, her younger siblings and mom to return to the area, she expressed such gratitude for the people at Monarch Place (the transition house) for caring for them. The sense of relief and safety she expressed stuck with me. Now, as a mother myself, I can only imagine how it must have felt, for her mother, fleeing in the night with her 4 children & the courage that it must have taken. For women in critically abusive situations, Monarch Place is a chrysalis of hope. The hope of emerging into a new life free from abuse, fear and pain. http://www.monarchplace.org/

*I contacted Monarch Place to get a "wish list" of most needed items, they need to call me back. I'll re-post this information when I receive it.